And to make things worse, after the initial confrontation, Peter says that Brittany will someday get old and ugly and have nothing while he'll have, I don't know, pizza? NICE OF YOU TO ADD SOME EXTRA SEXISM TO THIS SLICE, BRAH! I was wrong before: He's not the Papa John's Pizza of humans. Peter's an arrogant self-promoter who's angry his date went bad and, instead of looking inward, assumes that it must all be her fault for not finding him BREATHLESSLY attractive and smart. While Andrew lets his frustrations simmer out, Brittany throws some oil on this fire and confronts Peter – and while she doesn't deliver her best arguments, she's obviously right. Meanwhile, Andrew – in his very quiet and soft-spoken way – suuuure doesn't seem to be a fan of Casey weedling his way into Brittany's brain like this, especially since he figures (correctly) this is a desperation play by Casey for a rose, his rose at that. Because of course she does the last time she was on the show, her time was completely defined by false rumors, so if anybody was going to be sensitive to people talking crap about them, it'd be Brittany. Brittany decides to take this new information directly to the source – Peter. So, of course, this blows up – in multiple directions. Nevermind the constant product placement and self-aggrandizing talk about his own eyes: She clearly just wants to be here for the Gram. Because that's the ONLY reason why someone wouldn't DARE enjoy his company. He feels like he's on the chopping block, so he decides to make a kind of Hail Mary attempt by letting Brittany know that Peter's talking about how he thinks she's a clout chaser. Casey, though, is the guy who really gets things cooking. Shrimp: not the sexiest food to be shoved blindfolded into your mouth, no? We'll have to see how this plays out for Not Aaron.įorget seafood, though: The real drama on the menu involves pizza because – surprise! – Pizza Pete is still the Papa John's of humans. Yep, James remembered Shanae's love of shrimp (and burning everyone to ash) from The Unspoken One's season, so he presents a blind shrimp taste test to Shanae. Who would've guessed Logan would be in a love condundrum and he WOULDN'T be the indecisive one? Anyways, his rival makes his big move during the cocktail party: shrimp. YAY! So after those two finally leave, we get to focus on the rare love triangle on the beach: Shanae, Logan and James. I can't believe a subplot would make me say this but: Can we PLEASE get back to Shanae?! You can guess how this all went: Ashley makes one last joke about how much she cried on the show (which, at this point, she's referenced crying on the beach more times than she actually cried on the damn beach) while a few cast members talk about how they're royalty or something, probably between gritted teeth because they stole a lot of screentime and even date time.
SO WHICH IS IT, MY MAN!? Michael has earned a lot of leash from Bachelor Nation, because he does seem like good people, but he's in danger of using up a lot of his leash right now.īefore we figure out Michael's deal, we have to send somebody home – two somebodies, becase JARED AND ASHLEY ARE DONE! WOO! I'd complain more about them – but really, I've used too many keystrokes and brain anger pains on these two intercourse-hungry interlopers already. he really wants to leave here with a serious relationship and potential partner.
and Michael pushed her away because he wasn't ready to dive that fast into a serious relationship. Wells, making up for all the reenactment storytime nonsense, asks the key question: What ARE you looking for? After all, Sierra was committed to him and to his family. And now that Michael scared off Sierra – who LITERALLY OFFERED HIM THE STARS – he's got no real prospects to keep him around.
You see, all the guys on the beach are worried about the impending bloodbath coming their way at the rose ceremony since there's about four or five more men than women – and roses. Yet, at least.įirst, we have some unfinished business to wrap up – unfinished business named Nice Dad Michael. I imagine the producers overlooking the beach and hotel like the Joker in "The Dark Knight," grumblingly annoyed that their boat bomb test didn't end with any explosions. how BORING things got after everyone split up and their relationship minefields were revealed. But the REAL twist on "Bachelor in Paradise" was. Indeed, the big twist on "Bachelor in Paradise" was that, for a week or so, "Bachelor in Paradise" was going to become a different show – a little of Netflix's "The Ultimatum" and a lot of Casa Amor on "Love Island" to be real specific, where the show's time-tested couplings are split and put through a temptation ringer.
Listen, "Bachelor" franchise: When I told you to take notes from the other dating reality shows, I didn't mean that I wanted you to just TAKE their shows.
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